The Week before Christmas
‘Twas the week before Christmas, and all through the land,
The players all wondered what PG had planned;
Many had said they hung on by a thread,
Anticipating an announcement to be made by @Jared;
The lowbies were settling down by the fire,
With visions of Mythics that were easier to acquire;
While veterans, grizzled, weary, and enraged,
Paced about the forums like animals, caged;
When suddenly in cyberspace arose such a clatter,
I sprang to my tablet to see what was the matter;
Away to the War Dragons app like a flash,
(swearing ever so softly through the first timely crash);
The opening screen set the room all aglow,
As I waited for the forum screen to finally show;
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But an assurance that the players had been heard, loud and clear;
With a promise to look, investigate, and think,
About the myriad of issues that make the game stink;
A brand new direction for 2019,
Came from a month’s worth of work for the PX team:
“We’ve heard you, We get you, Please don’t uninstall!
“To start we’ll bash bugs, though maybe not all,
“And then to help players, both big and small,
“We’ll think about fixing that 300 wall!
“Don’t worry, we have a short term offering as well!
“Aren’t these improved monument drop rates just swell?
Jared sat back with his hands on his chest,
Hoping this news would earn his team a rest;
Initial reactions were cheery and bright,
Until someone pointed out that something wasn’t quite right;
“I don’t think you understand the situation at hand,
“The math tells the story of what you have planned;
“You can forge 11.2 days’ worth of timers currently,
“Under these changes it goes to 13.43;
“And the monument drops are a terrible joke,
“Which must have been pushed by an ignorant bloke;
“34 hours doesn’t impact our pace
“And if we’re being honest it’s a slap in the face
“Forgive me for my brazenness, audacity, and complete lack of tact,
“But your loyalty rewards will have no fucking impact;
“There’s nothing in here worth a wink or a smile,
“Maybe we need to stop spending for a while.
“Or maybe, just maybe, we should all go and quit,
“Because frankly we’re getting fed up with this shit;
“We’re giving you a roadmap to your player’s hearts and minds,
“And you’re not listening even some of the time;
“These changes you’ve made don’t address anything,
“And further demonstrate the role the purse strings
“Are calling the shots in every direction,
“Without an attempt at honest reflection.
With a heave and a sigh, Jared plopped on his couch,
A scotch in his hand and his shoulders all slouched;
“I’ve tried, and I’ve fought, on behalf of you lot,
“But finance controls everything, and I do not.
“We have really great things planned for 2019, you’ll see!
“But you have to trust that we’ll get there, eventually.
The silence that followed was deafeningly loud,
Reminiscent of mourners laying a death shroud.
The players had realized, at least some came to see,
That the game was not designed to be played for free.
So set out a budget and get ready to spend,
Because PG is riding the gravy train to the end.
And I wish I could get back to Christmas with this plot,
But the depression from writing it has my stomach in knots;
So I’ll finish by saying Happy Holidays to players and friends,
But to PG I say F.O., and at long last,